Imagine growing up and discovering you are that baby who was abandoned in the forest, or street maybe 30 years ago. Or after you grow up you did not find yourself in a family setup but a children’s home. You have tried to find your kin and you have not even met one either?
Or you were lucky you had parents, but you feel they neglected or abandoned you when you were growing up. All these are experiences that most individuals undergo in their childhood and have many negative effects on their life if not managed correctly. All these experiences are defined as familial rejection.
What is familial rejection?
Rejection is defined as the act of pushing someone or something away. one can experience rejection from a family of origin, friends, or a romantic relationship.
Familial rejection is rejection from one’s family of origin, typically parental rejection which may consist of abuse, abandonment, neglect, or withdrawal of parental love and affection.
Familial rejection is of two categories:
- Temporary rejection.
A child may undergo temporary rejections from busy parents. This type of rejection resolves quickly and is less likely to have long-lasting effects.
- Long-lasting rejection.
This is the rejection one has to experience for a very long time and has a long-lasting effect on their life.
Effects of familial rejections.
Familial rejection is likely to affect an individual throughout life, and, may cause serious consequences.
Emotionally rejected children grow up experiencing difficult self-relationships including -self-doubt, self-neglect, self-sabotage and self-hate. They can maintain a sense of unworthiness and hinder their relationship with others and hence avoid interacting with people.
This avoidance attachment style may manifest in their adulthood as;
- Fear of commitment.
- Fear of intimacy.
- Strong sense of independence
- Emotional unavailable.
- Tendency to avoid others emotionally.
- Difficulty in trusting others
- Difficulty spending time alone.
- Fear of being abandoned.
- Poor communication skills.
Adults who experienced physical rejection during childhood may have difficulty expressing themselves physically. They may seem uncomfortable with physical touch, hugs, kisses, or holding hands. And they act angry when someone is physically expressive with them.
How to heal from childhood rejection
- Stop blaming and try to understand.
Everybody whose at one childhood underwent rejection always tends to blame their parents for rejection and the harm it may have coursed them. From my personal experience, I feel it is important to try to understand them rather than judge them since you are an adult maybe a parent also. Try to think of possible reasons for the rejection.
Why did the rejection happen? could be the reason, poverty, mental-related issues like depression or maybe they had personal physical, and emotional psychological challenges too.
Example: Imagine if an inexperienced, rejected (by the boyfriend and family ) young teenage mother gives birth, she could be tempted to throw the baby away. Try to relate to such scenarios.
2. Forgive those who rejected you.
Forgiving can be hard but it is the best thing that can help you heal from the rejection, it will give you inner peace and the courage to start the journey of healing from the rejection and loving yourself again.
3. Learn to love yourself.
Now you are an adult, you don’t necessarily need parental love but self-love. If you allow yourself to continue being affected by the rejection you may also cause your children if you have one to undergo the same problem as you. This is because if you don’t love yourself, you will find it difficult to love others, and also it will be difficult for them to love you in turn.
3. Change thought patterns.
You grew up believing all the negative things about yourself, it is time to change how you think about yourself and start thinking positively. It may not be easy but with practice and the help of a therapist, you can do it.
4. Remind yourself of your worth.
Starting building up self–confidence, and self-worth. even if you face childhood rejection and maybe it has caused you some harm at least there are some things you are good at, maybe in drawing, cooking, writing, etc. . try to work and invest in the areas you are good at and also improve your areas of weakness.
5. Think of the future and people who love you.
You have a future ahead of you, so let go of the past and try living the present. Sometimes we just accept things we have or had no control over. You had no control over the childhood rejection, so accept that it happened and try to move on and live happy adulthood.
Even if you did not experience the love you desired in childhood, now that you are an adult they are people who love you maybe a spouse, your kids, or friends, and put your attention on them. Change your focus!
You may not be lucky to have childhood love, but God loves you and that is why despite the challenges you went through He protected you. Feel that there is a purpose destined for you by God, start the soul search and start what you love and let the past go.
You are also an adult who is also entitled to a child, maybe as a parent, teacher, or relative. Please take good care of them so that they may not feel the rejection now that you know or experienced the harm the rejection can affect their life.